I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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