yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
