And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
