I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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