the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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