Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
