____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
