ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
