I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
