My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
