No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This house was built for laser tag.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
