# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
