My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
