I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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