I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
