I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
