k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
