Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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