my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
