Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
