How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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