Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
