I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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