Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize