If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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