I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
