is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
