i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
