My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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