It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
