i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
handjob tips. give me some.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
