Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize