I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
