How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
