I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
