i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
