im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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