I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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