Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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