You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
