Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
