Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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