we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
