Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
