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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
