my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
