chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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