You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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