toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
