I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
