So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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