I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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