You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
