THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We left an ass print on the piano.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
