You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize