I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
