Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
