My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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