I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
