i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My life is pants optional.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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