What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
