i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
