I just saw a hot homeless man
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
