how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
