then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
