I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
