I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
