You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i out mim tonsoeep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
