It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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