that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need to calm my uterus...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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