My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
