Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
