I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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