The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
