Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
